Accept The Hate

January 7, 2012 § Leave a comment

I’ve been alone without friends. I’ve been alone in a crowded room. I’ve been alone with friends — with family, too. I’ve been alone in the night, driving the highways, walking the forests, and waking day after day.

I have not, however, been alone amongst the dead. Their silence echoes my own; unheard and unnoticed. People walk by with one of two reactions. With eyes locked tightly in another direction used to be common. Now the more likely reaction is to stare at the headstones with awe and fascination but still afraid.

People look at me, or don’t look at me, the same way. Not everyone, mind you, but enough I think I may actually be dead and walking. Now wouldn’t that be something? Dead and walking.

I wonder, from time-to-time, if I have this scent… a pheromone I admit that causes people to move away and look away. It’s never moving to think about how often I’m avoided or ignored.

Even when I share without a face or name I go unnoticed. If I’m another person altogether I still disappear into a mist of obscurity. I’m afraid I’m invisible to all except those who know how to hurt so thoroughly. Man or woman, they all flock to me and I accept them with a vile naivety.

Tonight, I feel sorry for myself. I feel bad I will likely never know what it’s like to be safe. I feel worse that I can’t quite explain to the world—.

Christ, enough!

It just takes a little work and a little magic. They listen then. They don’t turn away. They’re too afraid to turn away when I work my magic. A little blood. A little death.

I’m sick, but I know this. I hate the world for hating me. I like to kill people for killing me. I just like death. I’ve been dead long enough that it eventually grew on me.

What I am I don’t really know. I don’t eat flesh and I can’t walk through walls. I don’t fly through the night or feed on blood. I can’t transform to a furry beast or suck the life out of someone at will.

All I know is I trusted some friends. I let them lead me to the wrong part of the city. I let them run away. I just stood there and never fought back when the others came at me.

I didn’t even cry out for them to stop. I just watched myself die. I just accepted the hate.

If there are others like me, they don’t come near. If there are beasts or dead walking about, I don’t know them. I’m alone in death as in life. Except now, I don’t just accept the hate.

 

Day 7 – 365 Stories

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