January 26, 2012 § 2 Comments
I’ve forgotten just how long it has been. I couldn’t tell you what day you left or which year I stopped crying. I haven’t lain in bed or walked our old routes in who knows how long. I can say your name and I can remember your smile.
I remember without total regret. I can laugh without that bitter hurt. I can talk to others without looking back – without swearing hate over remorse. I can laugh at your habits and grin about your quirks. When someone asks, I can admit what went wrong and I can finally lay some blame at your door. I don’t notice when no one asks about you. I don’t quit the day when someone does.
I touch your things you left behind and your ghost stays with you. I’ve thrown out gifts I never had the chance to send to you. I haven’t bought more. There’s no more poetry and I don’t sing to your memory.
I stopped dialing your number and I don’t stare at your empty chat box. I no longer write emails and letters – I’ve deleted the drafts and burned the copies.
No one waits for my breakdown and no one waits for my sorrow. I’m free to just live and dream without you. I don’t write your character and I don’t sleep to dream. Not anymore. No.
The only thing I can’t do – let go.